Over the past few months, I have noticed something of a negative theme emerging amongst newer clergy on the topic of retreats. This negativity concerns me deeply. The negativity can take myriad forms, but I'll share some examples:
a) Retreats are a luxury
b) Retreats are a burdensome obligation
c) Retreats are simply an unrealistic expectation to those of us with family obligations
d) Retreats are not helpful to me personally - I'd rather be at a big busy Christian Conference/a weekend party with some old friends/ a spa as I find these things nourishing
Now I am a great believer that Sabbath is for humanity and not the other way round, and so I do not want to be legalistic about this. However, I would like to challenge these negative assumptions.
I happen to feel quite strongly that retreats are no luxury, but an key aspect of our discipleship. Jesus often withdrew - and what is good enough for master, is good enough for pupil. Our ministry and our family relationships are all good and God-honouring only if they spring from relationship with God. Of course, we should all be in communication with God every day of our lives. But sometimes only generous amounts of unhurried, non-agenda-ed time with God create the space for God to speak to us, to help us identify what harries and hinders us, to show us new opportunities and possibilities, to reassure us and revitalize us...
If retreats are so vital, then the IMD adviser or training incumbent or archdeacon who recommends this activity is no unsympathetic slavedriver, but someone of wisdom and kindness who holds us to account for maintaining our first love, knowing that it is only this love which can lead to authentic service. A retreat is a gift, and one we should be prepared to give ourselves.
Going on a retreat when one has family obligations can be a painful decision. I know the pain, guilt and anxiety well. I had three children aged under five, and my youngest daughter was just six months old, when I left for three days to go to a Bishops Advisory Panel. Since then I have left the children for periods of up to nine days every year. It doesn't really get easier, but I know now from experience that the discipline of withdrawing benefits me and them.
In my experience it is actually more important for those with parish and family commiments to find a way of withdrawing. Ten months into my first year of ministry, it was Mothering Sunday, and my husband asked what I would like to do that weekend. I suddenly realized that I spent all my time thinking about the wants and needs of either my parish or my family, so I hadn't a clue about my own desires anymore. I had lost myself in the needs of others, and it took disciplined time for me and my own spiritual and emotional needs to rediscover the RevMum God had called and created.
Some argue that parish ministry already creates such demands on precious family life that to go on retreat as well is out of the question. I am afraid that my response to this is quite blunt. If parish ministry is causing you to neglect your family to such a degree that you feel unable to go on retreat, then you need to look at your parish work first. Other things must be pruned from the diary. None of us are indispensable, and an over-busy clergyperson is unhealthy for parish, family and self. Take some responsibility for your activity, and don't complain about an annual retreat!
Lastly to those who would rather meet with friends, attend a Christian Conference or go to a spa - by all means do that too! However, a retreat is something which requires space and plenty of it. Space to speak or be silent, to pray or to praise or to lament or to laugh, to create, to exercise, to be still - all as the Spirit guides, with a little outside obligation as possible. Retreats need to be time for you and God alone. By all means be creative and find a retreat experience that suits you, but ensure it has the flexibility to allow you and God plenty of unhurried time together.
I'll finish with the words of St Bernard to the perpetually busy new Pope Eugenius III:
It would be very prudent for you to withdraw from such occupations, even if it be for only a little while, rather than let them get the better of you, and , little by little, lead you where you do not want to go...to indifference.
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